Today was my first day conducting interviews for the position of secretary at Gary Vine Associates. I was pretty nervous about doing them and stayed up with Lucy all night watching videos of The Apprentice so I could study exactly how big business works.
Lucy started drifting off at about 2am but every time she did I turned the volume up on the TV a little more – did the trick! So this morning I woke up having had about three hours sleep, but with the wisdom of a cockney-wideboy-cum-good ringing in my eyes. “I am Amstrad!” I shouted at Lucy and she awoke with a start. She needed to be up for her nursing exam anyway. What a great boyfriend she has!
I did the decent thing and gave Lucy her bus fare as she was running late and couldn’t find her car keys. I needed to stay in and work on my interviewer technique alone. I think Lucy realised this, and spoke only to herself under her breath as she left the house.
My seventh latte was now inside me as I stared into the mirror. “You’re the man, Gary! You are Alan Sugars!” Then I pointed at myself, and imagined the trembling face of an incompetent employee after tripping the SDSL connection or forgetting my bagel at 11sies. “You’re sacked!”
I took Lucy’s car keys out of my pocket and headed to the door. I sped like a madman through the streets because business waits for no man, feeling that today it might just make an exception for Gary Vine. Before long I was at the office, and asked the Starbucks waitress for a black coffee with extra milk. I pulled up a pew and got my Blackberry out – tweeted that I was about to interview the hell out of some guys. Then I checked my diary and realised that the interviews were scheduled for tomorrow.
Between revising and working 12-hour shifts, Lucy must’ve messed up my diary somehow…
