To be an SEO guru, it’s important to follow the readings of various giants in the industry (SEOgres). I’ve done this using Twitter and a number of online websites, and used everything I have learned to put together some top SEO tips…
1. Get rid of your girlfriend
SEO is a man’s world, and you’re not going to make it if you’ve got a girlfriend who is constantly showing you with affection and making sacrifices for you. Do what I did and kick her to the curb, even if it is after she leaves you first.
2. Avoid black shirts
Black shirt practice is a SE-no. Basically, there are three types of shirt you can wear in the SEO world – white, grey or black. Each represents how good you are at SEO. To ensure your website gets the right number of hits you need to get rid of every black shirt in your wardrobe. In addition, be sure to get your secretary to wash your white shirts separately to avoid being detected by Google.
3. Buy an iPhone
Following on from tip one – your iPhone is essentially your new girlfriend in that you will caress it at night, see it first-thing in the morning and throw it at the wall when things aren’t going well. Download every app you can find, especially the lightsaber one which is just like lightsabers.
4. Tweet
Whenever you are doing nothing, Tweet. Don’t worry if you have nothing of any importance to say – that’s the point! Twitter is a great way of getting your website out their and I’m so pleased Stephen Fry invented it.
5. Keywording
It’s important to use the right keywords whenever you can, but to keep the content of your website as organic as possible. Therefore, my site is mainly filled with humous recipes and I hyperlink the words ‘the’, ‘and’ and ‘a’.
6. Keep an eye on the traffic
Everyone hates traffic jams.
7. Watch The Apprentice
A no-brainer. Gary Vine wouldn’t be the man he is today if he hadn’t spent the last five years shouting “You’re fired” at strangers in the street.
8. Treat your Arachnophobia
Google is literally made up of millions are spiders linked together by wires in Japan. These spiders are your friends and you need to set aside any fears or differences you might have with them. As soon as I started my business I bought four tanks full of tarantulas and stuck them mine and Lucy’s bedroom. I’ve lost two of them, but that’s probably because they’ve gone back to Japan to tell Google how good my website is. God speed, Sugar and Jobs. God speed…
That’s all for now. Feel free to me-Tweet this post in order to help others with SEO.
